NaBloPoMo

I was the best blogger during National Blog Posting Month! Not a single post in November (I was obviously putting No-Shave-November over posting).

Part of my absence was the fact that I had an awesome revelation about my struggles with food while at a Bible class… during confession (I’d never done this in front of anyone other than God before because I’m Protestant). Why would I stop blogging when I had such a revelation to share with you?! (I know you’re wondering.) Well, it was a very personal thing — it usually is when confession is involved.

What I came to was that I was depending on food over God.

I chose food as my relief, my addiction, my savior. And God has been leading me out of this. I bring Exhibit A of God’s love transforming me throughout this process:

Above, Exhibit A, shows the changes God has enabled me to make. I started to use food to have fun again right around Thanksgiving, but God showed me how to rely on Him again. And I binged this morning, for no good reason. But I managed to reign it in to about 1577 calories for the whole day — my goal is 1528 each day so I did pretty fan-freaking-tastic.

It’s a process.

Size 12 Sabotage

Apparently getting into size twelve (that I’m sure is vanity sized) does not keep me on track. I think I had my full calorie allowance (1528) in potato chips and bread today; and I ate normal meals on top of that.

The Unhealthy Vegetarian remains unhealthy, even in smaller jeans.

Size 12

Source.
Target Fit 1 Jeans

I now fit size 12 jeans!

How this went down: I had a random flair up of my girly self — who doesn’t come out very often — while I was at Kohl’s. I held up a pair of size twelves and shrugged, thinking they didn’t look that small, and then tried them on.

I am still amazed that they fit. According to the measuring tape, I haven’t lost any inches.

From then on I was on a mission to find some good looking size twelve jeans to buy (the ones I tried on were medium length — I need longs, the short pants look is not my style).

I went over to JC Penny to get my favorite jeans (Lee’s Slender Secret line), but they only had 12M and 12S. Lame, right?

On to Target from there. I wasn’t sure if they sold jeans but I have a Target credit card and it was another shrug-and-what-the-hell moment from my girly side. I should also mention that I had to play with my budget a bit to swing this, I reduced my grocery budget to increase my clothes budget; food for clothes, interesting system I have going here.

Target has a new line of Mossimo jeans with different fits. I grabbed a size 13L, surprised to see them and thinking that they may fit better (and I haven’t worn that size since I was 13 years old). But I accidentally grabbed the skinny jeans version — which are skinny all over! They didn’t even make it over my thighs. I tried on about ten pairs of jeans before I settled on Fit 1: relaxed at the hip.

Fit brings up another topic on jeans that I’m confused by. I got up to a size 18 and am now down to a 12. Does that mean I’ve lost six sizes or three?

For those men who have lasted this long through this post, or women who have never shopped the plus sizes section of the store, women’s sizing is ridiculous. That’s right: ridiculous.

Sizing looks like this: 00, 0, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 12, 14/16, 18/20, 22/24, 26/28.  Makes total sense, right? The jump from 10 to 12, then to skipping and double sizing.

So when I wore 18/20 jeans, I assume I was an 18, but maybe I was a 19 or 20. Then I moved straight to 14/16; was I ever size 17?

Once I began shopping at normal stores (my first foray into Lee jeans and normal stores was last December), I bought size 14 (no 16 attached). And now I’ve skipped over size 13 to 12. Again, women’s sizing is ridiculous!

What do you think? Six or three sizes lost?

Thought Catalog

I wish I didn’t love cake. Do you think I don’t realize how much easier my life would be if I didn’t constantly think of ways to organize a birthday party or wedding, specifically to facilitate the eating of gratuitous amounts of cake? And pizza! Do you know how difficult my life is now that I am no longer in the age bracket where nearly ever milestone in life is celebrated with a pizza party? How I long for the days when my squirrel-like metabolism knew nothing of diet or planned exercise, when I was content to run around in circles all day because it was fun and had never met a pack of Oreos I couldn’t eat in one sitting with impunity.

Now, as I am quite aware, that time is over…

Continue reading at http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/eating-healthy-is-so-hard/#b0MXlD0SxIFEEQMO.99

Idea from http://thirtysix24thirtysix.com/

Fatitude

I just read this article at SparkPeople, and, while I don’t like their terminology at all, the article has some reasonable points. This excerpt applies to me, at least a little bit (oh, wait, I feel the need to preface this quote. I didn’t panic over one day of eating in this past post, it was about a week of poor eating choices (overeating and fatty foods). I also don’t beat myself up that much. I don’t have a “bad foods” list that I feel bad about eating. I love me some chips and jelly bellys, so I’m gonna eat them — but I try to keep it within my calorie range. I am seriously frustrated by a net gain/loss of zero over the past ten months. Okay, now you can read the excerpt.).

Symptom #1 of a Fatitude Problem: The Drama Queen/King Syndrome
Do you tend to panic every time you have a “bad eating” day? Does going over your calorie goal or missing an exercise session make you feel guilty, as if you’ve done something morally wrong? Does eating something on your forbidden list trigger that negative voice in your head that says you’re too stupid, weak, or messed up to resist a temptation? When you see a number you don’t like on your scale, do you feel like nothing you do is ever going to make a difference, so you might as well give up now and start stuffing yourself with your favorite comfort food? This, my friend, is all Fatitude!

Now that I prefaced the quote, I don’t feel like everyone is judging me as a drama queen. I’m pretty relaxed most of the time. I just have very little self discipline when it comes to tasty food sitting in the cupboard, at a potluck, in a restaurant, etc.

It feels a little compulsive when I make the first choice to eat more than I should. Maybe I rationalize it by thinking, it’s just one bite; but sometimes I don’t rationalize, I just eat.

I did this last night with a spicy trail mix and my jelly bellys. I just kept filling my tiny bowl over and over until I felt extremely full. Then I went to bed feeling like a busted can of biscuits again.

Something’s gotta change.

And no one’s gonna change it for me.

Sabotage

Not from me this time.

I didn’t realized how much my dad does not like the fact that I’m a vegetarian until yesterday.

I had a headache the day before that started at 5pm. I had a Bible class that evening so to make sure it went away (it was pretty bad) I took three Aleve. I still had my headache all the way through the evening and night. I woke up at 5:12am and took three more Aleve.

What I found is that I felt overheated and my head felt swollen around my right temple (it wasn’t actually, that was just the kind of throbbing pain I felt). After discussing with my mom, she thought I might have high blood pressure. I was visiting my parents at the their house so she got out her little machine to test my blood pressure.

(Side-note: the band on this thing was about eight inches and when I saw that, I was a little panicked, saying, “There is no way this is going to fit around my arm.” Until my mom relieved my stress by saying it goes around the wrist. Phew. It was kind of funny because my mom is obese (close to morbidly, if not already there), so I don’t know why I panicked. She uses that thing frequently enough that I should have figured there was a way to use it regardless of the small band.)

My dad ran over and said he wanted to be there when that thing proved being a vegetarian is unhealthy. Because obviously high blood pressure would be my comeuppance for being vegetarian (*sarcasm*).

He has made comments over the years and sent me some emails about how vegetarians are low on protein and calcium, and they end up getting Alzheimer’s quicker and more often than omnivores.

I’ve always shrugged it off because my doctor was happy with my choice and just let me know that I should start taking a B-Complex Vitamin. This vitamin only comes naturally from meat sources. She also tested my blood at that time, after not eating meat for a year, and said that I wasn’t low in B-12, but that I should still start taking it anyway. I bought some and took it for about six months, but haven’t replaced that empty bottle for a year or so. Maybe I should.

Anyway, I haven’t experienced any issues with not eating meat, only the awkward ones where I can’t eat anything at a dinner made by someone else (which does happen).

But my dad was so excited by the fact that he could finally prove that being vegetarian is bad for me.

The only reason I’m an unhealthy vegetarian is because I choose the carb-heavy, sugar-heavy, and calorie-heavy vegetarian diet. Now that this has hit me in the face finally, I don’t really know how to deal with my dad’s opinion on this. Just ignore it for the time being, I guess.

Relatable

I just read this blog that is exactly where I’m at right now:

Blargh. I’m up 2.0lbs this week. New weight is 163lbs with a total loss of 88.6lbs.  I won’t feign ignorance at all. I snacked. I snacked a lot. I (clearly) didn’t count it properly, and if I’m totally honest I didn’t count all of it.

I’ve been trying to figure out why I am keeping this up and down thing going? What am I getting out if it? I feel comfortable in this body – is that it? I’m comfortable and I don’t want to change things? I think I do….

Continue reading here: http://poundperpound.wordpress.com/2012/10/17/weigh-in-week-129-nibble-nibble-nibble/

Good Food, Good Friends

Okay, things are not fixed. I’ve had a couple days in range and just as many out of range. Like today. A couple beers, some excellent Merry Mix, and a movie makes for the perfect overeating opportunity for sure.

At least today I made a wonderful quiche for lunch.

I’m still frustrated by my recently picked up bingeing habit. I’m not sure what started it, but I can tell you it’s frustrating.

At least I know purging wont happen. Yuck. But it’s sad to me that I actually need to think about this now.